Love and the lack of it

In this era, we see giant leaps in technological, scientific and economic developments. One can also see progressive change in terms of culture. I would like to emphasize on the cultural changes that I have witnessed in my 20 something years. I come from a family that strongly believes in marriage and companionship even in the most dire circumstances.Being in India, it is not news for people to stay together for 40+ years. As far as I remember none of the daada-daadis I know have broken up because they had differences between them. They TRIED, way harder than we can ever imagine. Even the love stories back then, be it in the movies or in real life were stronger than what we see today. No one threw away things that were broken, they tried to fix it.

So what happened now? I see people break up, as quickly as they got into it.Being in a relationship is a craze now. saying, “I have a girlfriend/boyfriend” , has become the in-thing and it starts right from the teenage years.  But us, Indians, are in a very delicate position. We cannot completely embrace the western culture, nor can we not do without it. We are like those cats on a wall, which has no idea which way it wants to jump

In the western culture, you ‘propose’ marriage not love. And it is fine for them to be in a relationship and not be in love. Can we relate to that. No. For us, relationship means love. So then do we take it till death do us part. No. That is also not possible. Again in western culture, being in a  “relationship” is never a problem. The way they define relationship is a lot different from what we define relationship. Are the men and women in India fine with having one too many sexual partners. A definite no. We are scared about what “society” talks. the “society” will talk if you are open about your relationships and you will always have to be the model citizen. A little deflection and you are doomed for life and the “society” will keep the gossip mill running forever.

So how does “being in love” work here?

1. We need love, in other words, we need the independence to choose our own life partners. If one needs that kind of independence, then he/she should not care about what the parents think, get married, be happy or not be happy. Live together forever or divorce. Whatever you decide to do with your life you can do, irrespective of what anyone else thinks because it is your life and your decisions.But we never follow this chains of events. “fall in love”, make the parents says yes, if they say no, leave the guy/gal. Is this love??

2. Rush into the first girl you meet in school/college/office/coffeeshop. Pronounce your undying love. Date for a few months and then figure you love is obviously dead. Break up.And one of them ends up miserable. Why pronounce something if you yourself is not sure of it?

Being in a relationship is much much different than being in love. I believe that love, conditional or unconditional definitely exists and its improper usage is unfortunate. I hope in the years to come people go back and know themselves before they jump into relationship and love. Figure out what they want and fight for what they believe and to never justify their stupidity.  Getting influenced by the western society is not a bad thing. But one must know when it should stop and where we should draw the line. We are a country rich in cultural heritage and  when people from other countries are awed by our way of living we must make sure we do not forget our roots in the western frenzy.

Being a feminist I definitely believe no one should put up with shit. The magnitude of the problems should be weighed before running away without a fight. Every problem has a solution in its back and at this day and age we should start learning how to fix the problems than just throw it all away. I would like to quote something here that inspired me to write this post, “No one falls  in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work and no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.”

Over and out